But I Totally Rocked Out To Single Ladies
by igirisexual
Summary: Mr. Jones and Mr. Wang decide to show off just how well they can dance at the students' school social. In other news, this is an event that leads Mr. Honda and Mr. Braginsky to join the 'our boyfriends are embarassing' club. Teacher AU.


The school dance, alternatively called the 'school social'. It wasn't very social at all, despite the name. It was more like loud, obnoxious music, students jumping up and down, and teachers forced into supervision. Well, that's what it'd be like at most schools.

Mr. Jones had picked this term's social theme. It hadn't been a communal decision, as Alfred was the only person on the committee. The theme he had chosen was 'cartoons, movies, and anime'. He was having a super hard time trying to figure out what costume he'd wear. He wasn't even supposed to dress up, but there he was, trying to work out whether he loved Finn the Human, Edward Elric, or Uzumaki Naruto the most.

Mr. Wang was somewhat engaged in the idea of a social, even if he kept referring to it as a disco. Alfred would tell Yao off every time. 'What are you, fifty' was his usual scolding. Yao would loudly argue that he was hardly that old. He thought that going to supervise at an event like this would make him 'cool', and 'hip'. It totally would.

On the actual night of the social, the school's hall was decked out with lights and wall decoration and whatnot, courtesy of the IT and special event crew. How Eduard and his star students, Raivis and Toris, managed to decorate such a big sports hall in the span of a day was a massive mystery to everyone. Alfred thought it to be black magic.

Most of the teachers were here this evening, as this was a big fundraiser for the school, involved many rowdy teens, and was just a hotbed for trouble in general. Alfred, obviously, was first there, excitedly idling around – if such a thing was possible – and waiting for some of the other teachers to show up.

Mr. Beilschmidt, history teacher, was second on the scene, and simply stared at Alfred.

"Mr. Jones," he mumbled, squinting his already beady blue eyes. "I don't think you should be wearing that."

"Why not? I'm totally hot," scoffed Alfred, putting a hand to his hip and putting it out to the side. He even made a kissy face.

"I think those shorts violate regulations," Ludwig murmured bluntly, glancing for only a moment to the short-shorts that seemed to be riding up Alfred's thighs like a cowboy on his favourite stallion.

"Nuh uh," huffed Alfred, changing pose like he was having photos taken. "I'm really hot, so it's like fine." He shrugged, flexing his muscled arms. Compared to the tank, Ludwig, Alfred was more chubby than muscled, but he wouldn't ever agree to that. "It's like, raunchy Finn."

"You left your shorts in the drier and they shrunk, didn't they?" asked another man, who Alfred instantly recognized as his half-brother, the social worker here at the high school.

"Hey, shut up!" Alfred whined, practically throwing himself at Matthew. "Tell your scary Blitzkrieg bud to stop bullying me."

"Alfred, did you really just refer to Ludwig as 'Blitzkrieg'?" Matthew cringed, peeling his brother off of him. "Kiku told me about the whole sushi thing. You're so embarrassing."

"No way," grumbled Alfred, crossing his arms and fixing his Finn cap. "I'm totally cool."

"Ludwig, I'm sorry," Matthew mumbled weakly, humiliated about Alfred's inconsiderations. The German shrugged and tugged a little at his dress shirt.

"Ready to get down?!"

There was Yao.

Alfred lit up and grinned as his pal and favourite Math teacher approached the group, dressed in irredeemably ugly clothes. He probably thought he was being fashionable.

"I was born ready," smirked Alfred, heading over and promptly hi-fiving the little man.

"Nice shorts!"

Alfred winked. "Sweet jacket!"

They idled about, making chatter and waiting for the goddamn DJ to finally get his ass to the hall. It took him fifteen minutes longer than expected. Now, Alfred hadn't been told which one of the school's music teachers would be acting as DJ tonight. He had expected Mr. Bonnefoy, not Mr. Edelstein.

Francis was an outgoing and flirty man, a teacher who got along well with his class and rarely had troublemakers. Roderich, on the other hand, was a snooty fellow who was often made fun of for his accent, or the way his voice tended to bounce up and down as if his vocal chords were on a rollercoaster. Hahah. A roller_chords_ter. Like vocal chords.

Roderich appeared, toting a large stereo setup, and hurried to take it to the front of the hall.

"Oh," said Ludwig simply, watching his childhood.. uh, acquaintance, puff and pout. "Wasn't Francis going to DJ tonight?"

"Oh, right," interjected Matthew. "I forgot to tell you guys that he's gonna go and make out with Kirkland while the social's on." He rolled his eyes. "_L'amour, non?_"

"Dude, dude, do your impression of those guys," Alfred said excitedly. "It's like drop-dead accurate. Yao hasn't heard, so you gotta do it." Matthew sighed, and cleared his throat.

"Bastard! How dare you drink your wine at school!" He put on a wonky English accent, clearly imitating Mr. Kirkland.

"At least I am not poisoning my class like you, sir!" Now, a deep and kind of nasal French one.

"I am NOT poisoning my class! I'm teaching them fine dining, you uneducated prat!"

"You know I am educated, _mon cher_, we went to college together!"

"Shut up! That's not what I meant, bloody arsehole! Go fall in a hole or something."

"The only hole I'll fall in is yours, _mon petite amour_! Like college!"

After that, Matthew did his best to mime two people making out aggressively, all while whispering 'hon hon' and 'bloody bugger'.

Yao and Alfred were in tears, leaning on one another so that they wouldn't fall over from laughing too hard.

"Right, what's so bloody funny?" the real Mr. Kirkland muttered as he approached the chuckling group. Well, all chuckling except for Ludwig, who was just smiling a bit.

Yao burst out in another round of guffaws, having to bend over as his sides hurt. "Matthew, you were spot on!" he chuckled, covering his mouth.

"Hon hon, Arthur," scoffed Alfred, practically leaning on Yao at this point. Arthur's face dappled pink very quickly, and he bopped both of the cackling teachers on the head.

"Shut up, the pair of you."

"Ooh, why're you here?" smirked Yao, one hand on his hip. "I thought you were gonna go and _make out_ with your _booooooyfriend_."

"I'm here to supervise like the rest of you, obvious. Go to hell, Wang," Arthur grunted. "He's not my boyfriend."

"Haha, Wang," said Alfred.

As the rest of tonight's staff arrived, the doors were properly opened, and students were let inside. Roderich, despite his general stuffiness, was actually a pretty decent DJ. Alfred and Yao, despite their duties as supervising teachers, were dancing up the front of the crowd.

Inbetween songs, Alfred went to seek out Kiku, and have him look at his totally hot Finn costume. As he traveled through the crowds of students, he heard whispers of 'Mr. Jones is so hot', and 'I would totally fuck him'. As he bounded over to his boyfriend, and cooed 'you look so _kawaii_ tonight Kiku', those same voices gave off audible cringes.

"Thanks," Kiku mumbled vaguely, hands in his pockets as he watched over the crowd. "And before you ask, yes, I noticed your shorts."

"Aren't I hot?" Alfred grinned, flexing this way and that. "I'm _sugoi_."

"Alfred, please."

They stood about for perhaps ten minutes, and then their quiet chatter behind songs was interrupted. Oh no. It was.. It was.. _Gangnam Style_. Alfred disappeared from Kiku's side in a moment, grabbing Yao, and heading to the front of the hall. Yes, this song was awful, and old, and a terrible and overpopular meme, but Alfred was a fucking nerd. And Yao was just willing to do whatever would make him hip or cool in his opinion.

Yao's cousin was incredibly pissed and distressed as the song started playing, as all of his friends started looking at him as if he was responsible for this.

"My country has its mistakes," Yong Soo cried, before unceremoniously charging out of the hall. Yao's second cousins, Xiang and Mei, weren't as rambunctious as Yong Soo, thankfully. They were more the peaceful kind. Well, peaceful, or lazy. Yao had a hard time telling.

Alfred and Yao danced aggressively at the front of the hall, with Alfred totally rocking it and perhaps showing off too much leg, and Yao trying really hard but failing really badly. They even did the whole dance battle in the middle of the song, with a ring of students surrounding them to cheer on their favoured teacher. As PSY sang it, Alfred mouthed 'hey sexy lady' at Kiku, who pretended not to see. In fact, he and Ivan decided that they were to completely ignore their boyfriends until they apologized for being so embarrassing at the school social.

At some point, they had wandered off together to find some snacks, and had accidentally opened a cupboard that Arthur and Francis had been passionately making out in. Or had they been lovemaking? Either way, it was a disturbing experience for everyone involved. In Kiku's eyes, this whole social was going to be a trainwreck.

As Alfred aggressively combined twerking and _Gangnam Style_, Matthew held up his phone. Of course, he'd been filming. Oh boy, Alfred was going to suffer major embarrassment. What a hoser.

A few days later, Matthew had posted said video onto Youtube, and then onto Facebook, tagging Alfred's parents. He gave the video a caption of 'Your son, the prodigy. He is using his degrees well.' He got over two hundred likes.

After told about the incriminating video by Arthur (more in a way that Arthur just whispered '_op op op op op'_ at him whenever they crossed paths), Alfred charged into Matthew's office, ready for battle.

"Dude!" he huffed, hands on his hips.

Matthew turned from his desk, where he'd been gluing smiley faces onto a workbook. "Yes, Alfred? Do you need help? Social services aren't just for the kids." He hummed, putting his hands together in his lap.

"No, I wanna know why you hecking filmed me dancing really awesomely-"

"Oh, you found that?"

"But you totally missed the best part!"

Matthew raised a brow. Alright, this was unexpected. Towards the end of the film, he had just turned the camera around towards himself, and shook his head.

"You missed me rocking out to _Single Ladies_!" Alfred grumbled.

"Oh my god, wasn't that when you took your shirt off like Ms. Héderváry did, and then you tried to take off your shorts-"

"If you liked it then you shoulda' put a ring on it," Alfred sang aggressively, lifting up his weapon. "So take this, loser!" He cried, throwing the soppy romance novel at his brother.

It hit his shoulder, and Matthew didn't even flinch. "Alfred, you know I'm not going to recoil from a love story just because I'm aromantic," he laughed, raising a brow.

"It was worth a shot," Alfred shrugged.

"You're like.. Alfred, you're mentally four," Matthew rolled his eyes. "Go on, scoot. Get out of my office."

"Hmmph.. I'm only going 'cos Braginsky and I have an arm wrestling match on soon," Alfred grumbled. "And your office smells like girly flowers."

"It's Maple essence," Matthew chuckled. "Good luck with beating Mr. Braginsky. Don't come crying to me if he finally breaks your hand."

As Alfred left, he literally danced as he walked, and burst into a shocking rendition of _Single Ladies_. He started at the second verse, aggressively hollering '_I got gloss on my lips, a man on my hips, hold me tighter than my Dereon jeans_' through the staffroom. Alfred failed to notice that Matthew's phone was pointed at his back, recording and readying for another hit video.

A few days passed. Relative silence. Until a fateful Thursday afternoon. Matthew entered his office, having been focusing on his paperwork for a student who brought a butter-knife into school. Something seemed off, so he paused, and looked up. His entire office was covered in bad romance novels and he sighed loudly, "Alfred!" he called, "You know Arthur's going to kill you for stealing his books!"

* * *

**thank u to my bud tox who gave me the last paragraph B)**


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